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This morning got off to a most awesome start. Totally exhausted last night, I mistakenly set the alarm to the wrong setting. There seem to be 4 settings/notches between OFF and the normal ON setting, for a total of 5 settings overall. I’m not 100% sure what these other settings are used for, but I’m prepared to guess.

  1. Off: This setting works best for those that are currently unemployed, or would like to be.
  2. Set someone else’s alarm to PM instead of AM: Unfortunately with current alarm clock technology you can’t determine the poor individual who will be very late for work because of this calamity. If I could, I honestly don’t know if I could resist the temptation of changing the alarm of the one person that chronically leaves out my extra order of hash browns from my McDonald’s orders. That way someone else would have a chance to get my order right and save me from making a U-turn in the Mickey D’s parking lot and getting dirty looks from the Coffee-Sipping Codger Convention. I’m sorry my U-turn interrupted your newspaper reading, sir. My bad.
  3. Switch Wiring of Snooze and Off Buttons: This is one of my faves, though the dependability is definitely not 100%. Dependability is often determined by Optimum Condition Scale (or OCS as I will now dub it). OCS is determined by several factors: recent history of waking up late, level of importance of the first meeting of the day, whether or not a job interview will take place that morning, etc. In short, the more negative the impact of waking up late, the higher the OCS, and hence an increase in likelihood that the snooze button will activate the Off setting (see #1 above)
  4. Delay Alarm: This setting allows for the alarm to actually go off when it’s not needed. It is another smart setting that takes into consideration OCS. However this setting checks date and time for the lowest OCS possible. The time the user goes to sleep is also taken into consideration. The alarm is delayed until a morning when the user has only achieved 5 or less hours of sleep, and the OCS is low. Because of these factors, the likelihood that the alarm will sound on a Saturday morning is very high.
  5. On: You know what this does. If you aren’t sure, or are in a group mentioned in the description of the first setting, here is the noise. I’m actually convinced that this setting is sometimes faulty and may actually trigger the Off setting.

Last night when I went to bed, I must have hit setting #4, as I woke up at 7:20, no thanks to the alarm. In a wild scramble, my wife and I somehow managed to get the kids dressed, fed and in the school building by 7:45. Take that #4! Teamwork FTW!

I fully expect the alarm to go off this Saturday at 6:20 am. If so, I will take pictures of the alarm after it suffers a slow and painful death. I’m thinking a little gasoline+matches action.

P.S. If you are curious about the Time Bomb Alarm clock, it is an actually product that ticks and makes an exploding noise.  You can get one at amazon here.

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